2nd Annual Official Tree Cutting Exploration-Expedition Adventure, Extraordinaire (Weekend Edition), Part 4.

December 8, 2010 2:11 am Sir Haxington Seattle

That’s right bitches, because we made it to the top that day. Completion of the AOTCEEA 2 was looking good.

And it was only 2pm! Sigh…

So after everyone took a well deserved bladder break, we set about getting out on foot and exploring the immediate terrain.

We met a few nice folks who had trekked up there with us. A few cheery ladies had let their dogs loose while having a smoke. Keeping warm. Their husbands and boyfriends had a chainsaw out and were getting ready for some serious damage. We played with their dogs, made some small talk, then began our hunt. Once you’re at the top, everyone is friendly. You’re all winners.

First AOTCEEA regret? Going up without snowshoes. Not more than a few hundred feet up, we began sinking into waist deep holes, especially around the base of trees. Really, there’s no way to avoid it, so you take it one step at a time while making the ascent.

Second regret? Going up without gaiters. Gaiters strap on over your pants and boots and keep your shiz covered so snow doesn’t go up your pant leg then down into your boot. I had on waterproof boots and pants but no gaiters, which meant I had some wet feet after not much hiking. Normally this isn’t much of a problem with snowshoes. Whoops. Next time.

Luckily, these regrets were completely manageable. Navigation was slower than expected, but we made good progress. Cold feet I can deal with.

Really though. Look at that tree density. Look at that view. Amazing. Nothing but mountains, trees, and snow for miles. So pretty. The wait was worth it for this moment alone.

But we kept climbing. And forging our own trail through the deep snow and plentiful trees.

We fell into many holes. We ran into many snow walls. However, the good trees are up higher. Higher. Nope, higher still. So what do you do?

You show Mother Nature who is boss, that’s what. I’ve come for your bounty of trees. I will have them. Frozen water will not stop me.

So, you’re making your way up. You’re passing tree after tree. Nah, not full enough. Nope, too tall. You eventually make your way into a cluster of trees. Oh! Hmm… nice and full, but too short. Ehhh… just the right height but missing a few branches.

Then it happens. You see her standing there, across the bar. She’s wearing a classy dress and sexy heels. She sips her drink oh so elegantly then glances your way casually. She turns away. A moment later, her head snaps back in your direction. You lock eyes.

Love at first sight. You know she’s the one. The Noblest Fir in the forest.

So whats your first move? Surely she’s passed on better guys that you. How you do you introduce yourself without ruining your chances?

You show her The Ace, of course.

Sup, baby. You’re coming home with me whether you like it or not. And that’s real.

As the ever-so wise Lady Gaga once put it, she “likes it rough.”

So we lied down together. We commiserated about life…

Alright! Enough. Sorry about that.

Okay, really, I was just taking a breather to get my cuttin’ arm ready for the sawtastic event about to take place.

Half way there… yeah… yeah… yeah!

Then there’s that beautiful moment. Craaaaaack!

A life has been taken.

If you’re wondering: Yes, you yell “Timber!” even though if the tree fell directly on top of you, the worst injury you would suffer would be pine needle scratches.

Now comes the sucky part. Dragging the tree down. Just to demonstrate how far we had come, and how far we still had to go:

Yeah. I’ll just fast forward a half hour to this:

We made it to the top of the mountain through some of the most icy and treacherous terrain we’re (legally) allowed to drive on. We hiked through four foot deep snow. We found our prizes, and we secured them safely.

We did it. Mission accomplished.

While battle may have been won, the war was far from over.

We still had to make it down alive.

…

Part 5, Just for you.